Thank God the plane didn't crash! (Or, I'm back now)
So, I will start with the end and tell you that I'm currently checking out hypnotherapy for my increasingly disturbing anxiety attacks when flying. One therapist I'm interested in also claims to treat "excessive guilt", which sounds bloody good to me.
In keeping with going backwards, I'd like to take a moment to address the Greek teachers of Oxford Study Group or whatever the hell you were called, and I'd be happy to translate the following rant into Greek if you have any trouble understanding it:
Here's a tip from someone who didn't even manage to finish teacher training, but was born with a helping of common sense. When you take a group of early teen schoolkids on a summer trip on an aeroplane, please ensure that you don't fuck off down to the front of the plane and leave them to fend for themselves. What happens when you do is that they are obnoxious to cabin staff and are very loud and irritating. They throw blankets around, playfight in the aisles and whack their heads on the ceiling (actually, that bit made us laugh). They also need to be told off THREE TIMES by a member of the cabin crew who has better things to do like, oh, I don't know, keeping us safe and comfortable. Do your job and go and separate the fuckers, or next time I will raise an almighty fuss and embarrass you.
Bilingually.
So, we arrived back safely, if with added migraines, after two extremely restful and pleasant weeks. I can't tell you how much I needed the break. I do feel guilty that I never got round to contacting Iliask - I'd plead seeing relatives but most of the times I intended to drop him a line I fell asleep in the baking heat instead - but this was the first time in ages I actually considered living in Greece one day (as did Ashley, who's now looking around for Greek lessons to add to his fount of random requests and expletives).
The highlights:
- Five days in Athens
- Three nights on board the Ocean Countess taking in excursions to Patmos, Knossos (Heraklion), Mykonos, Santorini and Ephesus (in Kusadasi, Turkey)
- Four nights in Kefallonia, with twice-daily swims and sunbathing before and after the main heat of the day.
At 36 - 39 degrees Celsius every single day, I finally feel warm. Plus we've returned to the first decent days of British summer, which helps. I ate FAR too much of everything and gained 5lbs (most of it Kaimaki ice cream and semolina halva, I'm sure of it), but who could resist heaps of uber-fresh fish, octopus, grilled meat, salad, bread, tsatsiki and horta?
It's good to be back, but I would happily have had another week of it.
Anyway, how have you all been?
Comments
I am sooo jealous. I haven't been back to Greece in ages.My son is there now and he phoned us last week to see if he could extend his trip another ten days, so he could go to Rhodes and Mykonos with some friends from the US. Gaah! I'm jealous of my own flesh-and-blood, too! ; )
Oh- did I said, "Welcome back?"
During the Germany - Turkey Euro 2008 semi, the Greeks were supporting Germany. In vain did I point out that Germany has occupied Greece far more recently and brutally (oh, and by the way, it's a game of football, not a piece of politico-historical commentary); the only response I got was "400 years!!". *sigh*
On Guilt: it's not that easy to get rid of. I know it's the way we were raised, coupled by the fact that we are women, who are already prone to putting others' feelings first. I don't know how it was in your case, but most of the time parents do not mean to instill this deep-rooted fear of offending others, doing or saying the wrong thing, incessant worry about what one said, did, did not say, did not do, etc. etc. They're just trying to raise children who know right from wrong and who will be somewhat obedient in a healthy way, not a submissive way. Somehow, they 'overdose' us on this and what should be a virtue becomes a burden.
You know the biggest regret I have in my life? All the time wasted, all the joys lost, because I fretted through it about what others would think. Alright, mine was an extreme case, because I come from a highly dysfunctional family, so their 'Italian-ness' was exacerbated by that. But I didn't go to the college I wanted to go to because I didn't want to worry my mother, or lose her love, I stayed in a miserable relationship because I obsessed about what people would think if I got divorced, etc. etc. Decades of life frittered away only to discover that
A) the people who will think badly, WILL think badly, even if you exemplify perfection and
B) those whose love one is trying to 'buy' through certain behaviours, certain sacrifices, are never satisfied. They never give you that love that you hope for, because their brand of love is self-serving and is the only kind they know. It comes with harsh conditions.
I could go on and on about this and give you so many examples of precious time spent obsessing, but it's hard to type so much. Unfortunately, (or fortunately) you're in love with a man who understands all this because he comes from the same type of upbringing. That means he will understand it and not lose patience with it, but it can also be detrimental because there is no one in your direct circle to point out to you when you're over-worrying, or show you another way. That means it will take you that many more years to learn it. The first time I let myself do what I wanted even though I worried about it, I was already forty years old. But with my new husband of seven years, who wasn't raised this way, he calmly points out the irrationality of some of my worries. He's not dismissive of them or cold, he's just logical. I don't say this means you should dump your fiance, but what it means is that you are going to have work harder at ridding yourself of a habit that does no one any good, especially you.
That's my unsolicited advice, my friend, one worrywart to another. ; )
Earlier I asked him if there was anything he'd change about me. No, he said.
When I insisted there must be SOMEthing, he said "well, for your own sake you could get rid of The Guilt".
That should teach me everything I need to know, really.