10 posts tagged “christianity”

Does it ever annoy you how many times in a day, week, month or year you hear the same tired argument (usually depleted by conversational Chinese whispers) being trotted out without anyone bothering to examine what they've said and actually decide if it's an accurate statement?

I love to read and write about faith and religion, but I rarely indulge because I simply can't be bothered to deal with the anti-God brigade anymore. Not because they don't have their right to an opinion - I really do respect people who are thoughtful, educated atheists; I might disagree with them but at least they've thought about it - but because so often you get a slew of comments along the same anti-religion line that not only miss the point spectacularly, they also cast these people as exactly the same as the people they're criticising.

The argument is that "religion has killed more people than XYZ / caused misery and suffering."

Okay, let's get this clear. Stalin was directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of around 40 million people. He was an atheist and belonged to a Marxist regime that rejected religion as the 'opiate of the masses' (i.e. that which holds them back from revolution). Religion does not kill people or cause misery and suffering. People do that.

People are the best and worst thing on this planet. Nowhere but among people can you find the best examples of compassion, love and honour and the worst examples of depravity, violence and hate. Because people feel strongly about their religious beliefs, they are used as a cornerstone to build their hatred upon. This is perversion and corruption of the worst kind in any faith I can think of.

I am not suggesting that scriptures do not come with their problems. There are clear elements where personal or societal interpretations have lead to religious authority mandated violence and oppression. Those interpretations were made by people, not by some nebulous sense of the faith itself.

And now, by spouting hatred against religion because of the hatred that people have shown whilst hiding under the mantle of a corrupted faith, those people who reject religion on those grounds become exactly the same as the people they're rejecting.

The various offices of many denominations have been abused by those who knew how to manipulate them for power, wealth or influence. If you are put off believing because of the perceived violence of 'religion', that formless beast that rears in people's heads like an entity separate from both faith and God, then understand that that is the real myth. There are plenty of doubts and questions in the mind of the most devout follower and there are plenty of debates with atheists worth having. The "religion has caused upheaval" one shouldn't even be allowed in the foyer of the debating hall.

It's been a schizophrenic few days. The balance of dealing with Internet mentalists and yet at the same time having the work I've done over the last few months being positively recognised by peer publications has been a heady one. Mainly I've decided to enjoy the good and use the bad as an impetus to hit the gym or, failing that much energy, at least go for a brisk walk at lunchtime to clear my head.

Wedding plans are now basically under control. The bridesmaids dresses are the main issue left, with various quotes from dressmakers littering my notebooks; I'm still waiting to hear from the most likely party. £90 from one (minus materials) but I can't call her until October. £160 (including materials) from another - eek! £200-£300 from a third - say what?! One of my bridesmaids helpfully and supportingly labelled the colour I'd chosen as 'shit brown' so I know she's never going to wear hers again anyway, so what do I care if they're completely perfect? Truth is, I don't. I want the women themselves to be comfortable and feel happy about their appearance. Beyond that, it's only so much excess frippery. My mother-in-law is slightly worried about the little girls but I am sure that decent flower girl dresses will be found.

Also the hairdresser hasn't got back to me yet but then I did take an age to reply to her last email. You get what you give.

And I have to call the florist...

Other than that, photographer, food, wedding dress, cake, etc are all go. We do have to find a free date for the rabbi and priest to meet, as the priest is travelling a great deal this summer and isn't around for much time before the wedding. They want to discuss our expectations and construct a beautiful blessing for us, which I'm really very excited about. I dare say that at least will be unique to us. Not that I care about being unique - I just want everything to mean something to both of us.

Speaking of which, we still don't have a first dance or even mutually adored song that is even vaguely wedding-appropriate. Suggestions could not possibly hurt...

 Meanwhile we schlepped down to Southend-on-Sea last night to attend a shiva - my second. Prayers were lengthy and conducted by a very sweet and earnest young Rabbi who explained the significance of the Kaddish and how it is more valuable an expression of faith even than the Shema. "Because you are saying at this most difficult time that Hashem knows best". A rather lovely thing to say, I thought. I met some more of Ash's extended family who all seemed very nice and did their best to hide their appraising looks. I was wearing my cross which probably raised a few eyebrows but if it did it happened when my back was turned, so all's well.

I'm so tired. I'm going to drag my sorry carcass to the gym to try and wake myself up at lunchtime, but I'm keeping going today only by remembering I'm catching up with lovely friends tonight. Here's hoping I don't fall asleep on the pub table.

Today, I am mostly suffering from the Bichon Frise.

No, not the small, fluffy dog of the type that dominates Amber McNaught's life and has his own blog. It's my ignoramus's term for lachon hara, since to begin with I could only remember the "chon" part of the term, and the fact that it went -u -u (in keyboard-approximate pentameter markings). B'dum, b'dum if you prefer. Yes, I'm publicising my own inanity, but that's the world of blogging for you.

Anyway back to lachon / lashon / loshon hara, tangles and all. The Jewish "evil tongue" isn't really about saying bad things about someone irrespective of whether they're true or not. There's a seperate prohibition against slander. This is about saying something true about someone when they're not there to defend themselves.

I do this all the time.

But here's the clincher - according to Ashley this includes saying pleasant and complimentary things about them is the purpose of saying them is to make the person you're talking to feel bad.

Ouch... done that too (though less commonly. Usually if I think something nice about you I'll tell you to your face and tell everyone I know just cos I think you're fab).

I'm working on improving my outward behaviour in a bid to make it second nature not to think bad thoughts about people, but it's easier said than done. Is it true that someone I know is childish, rude and arrogant as well as being funny and talented (the reason I still know them)? Yep. I can't help dwelling on it when they piss me off. And then, in order not to explode at THEM, I talk to Ashley about it. When what I should do is have the balls to sit down with them and say "this is why you're annoying me".

See, my lashon hara doesn't come from being a natural bitch (though I am one). It comes from this enormous desire to make everyone happy all the time.  Last night a friend accused me of not seeing them enough (even though they slept through the last plans we made!) and even though I knew I was 100% right that they were being unfair - and told them so, since they were a close enough friend to do so with confidence - I still second-guessed myself. I have a puppy-like desire to please everyone and instead all that happens is that I pick away at myself and then end up both indulging in the lashon hara and feeling guilty about it.

Oh and yes, I know I'm not Jewish. But it's the same heritage an' all and I dare say Christ upheld this particular law.

I think it's all going to get a bit heavy around here...

I was reading back through Patrica Volonakis Davis's blog and found the brilliant post entitled I Am Ann Coulter, in which she makes the clear point that calling yourself a Christian and acting like one have to go hand in hand if you're going to be anything like a genuine Christian.

That troubles me, but in a good way. For one, it's true, and for another it underpins the resolution I made for myself at the beginning of this year. Unfortunately, I've failed to meet it every single day.

I've come to the conclusion that once one gets one's head around the concept of forgiveness, one is a good Christian. Sadly, it's the most difficult thing to practice. Every single day I wake up and vow that today I'm not going to get angry at petty slights but save my righteous indignation for cruelty, ignorance and disrespect. Every single day I get up and promise that no matter what anyone says, does or believes, I'm going to not only treat them with peaceful calm, but train myself to actually respond with it.

It's a basic, unmistakeable tenet straight out of the Gospels that in order to attain forgiveness, one has to embrace it. I cannot love the people around me as truly as I wish until I can undo all bitterness and bitchiness from my mind and words.

Like I said, I fail constantly. Today and yesterday I had pretty uncharitable thoughts about someone who randomly seemed to stop talking to me a while ago and has since treated me with the bare bones of professional respect; I am now sitting here trying to compose a list of all the reasons why I should remember that her behaviour doesn't matter, all the ways in which my own falls short of the ideals and standards I hold up for others and all the good features she still has.

My friend D once told me that the best thing about me was that I saw good in other people and told them about it. I hope that I do this, but to me that's only half the battle towards being a good person and a good Christian. The other half is first seeing the good, making sure no compliment is backhanded, losing my instinctively critical nature and doing all this without trying.

Being a cynic is fun. Being sarcastic can be hilarious. Being streetwise is no bad thing.

I don't expect to become a saint; I'd just like to know I'm spreading more good than harm.

I don't know what irritates me more about this article; that the Greek Orthodox Church is getting involved in politics which have to be secular - because they affect non-religious people, whether you think that's right or wrong - or the really lazy piece of BBC journalism that led to this statement:

The government proposes to give common-law couples the same rights as those who have gone through legal or religious ceremonies.

It wants to harmonise Greek law to European standards.

European standards? What the fuck are they? Plus, the writers of this article do know that European society is based on a (secular) Greek model? Oh, and by the way, if you didn't know it already, BBC journalist, COMMON LAW MARRIAGE DOES NOT EXIST IN THE UK. It never has. Oh, and by the way, unless you also sign a register, religious ceremonies don't count as married under the law and that's the case in more than one country (just ask Eddie Murphy and his new "wife").

As cohabitees in the UK, you have no legal rights unless you create them by contract. Marriage protects you; cohabiting doesn't. I'm not saying that's a good thing, and I'd welcome couples who have no traditional, familial or religious imperative to marry getting the same rights as those who have conducted civil ceremonies. That's why I totally supported the creation of civil partnerships.

The Greek Orthodox Church has to come in for its own criticism about this. They consider cohabitation as prostitution - I have no problem with that. I don't agree, but that's between me and my understanding of my religion, and I'd be interested in talking to theologians on this issue. I just get frustrated when church and state collide; my personal ethics cannot govern an atheist, a Jew, a Sikh, a Ba'hai... you get the picture.

The central code of legal "morality" has to be based on something universal. It might be universal and a common religious principle, and that's great (for me!) but how can we have a hope in hell for an ecumenical future if a particular denomination - albeit the most common one in the country - keeps interfering?

The Rabbi's Daughter, Reva Mann's autobiography, is about to be released on paperback. My pre-order is in!

Truth be told, I'm already suspecting I won't like the author. Judging by this promotional interview in The Telegraph, her impulsive, addictive behaviour has little to do with anything Jewish and more to do with being confused or possibly selfish as a result of a bizarre upbringing. The fact that she had a religious upbringing is always a peg for people with some misguided anti-religious agenda to hang their prejudices on. See, they say, religious upbringings turn you into a nut!

This is insulting for two reasons. One, don't blame religions for the failures of people, if you believe they have failed. Two, you're assuming that her sexual promiscuousness - apparently a reaction to self-imposed ultra-religious strictures - is, in and of itself, a bad thing.

This leads me on to one of my personal bugbears. Personally I don't think impulsive sexual behaviour is necessarily very sensible in a time of great awareness of sexually transmitted diseases, but what I find people doing is firing a double-whammy of saying it's immoral whilst at the same time rejecting any code of religious ethics (which is far more likely to damn sexual permissiveness than secular ethics).

I'm not saying you can't pick and choose religiously - we all do. I'm just frustrated with the idea that the modern ideal is to condemn all religion whilst secretly thinking that the most restrictive rules might be okay when it comes to women. The heady combination of a blame-free society with dark ages misogyny is quite something, isn't it?

There are some religious ideas I reject, and I have to work through my own attitudes to that; for example, cultures that perform female circumcision disgust me, but for hygeine reasons I accept that male circumcision is fine. If there's a hypocrisy there, I should investigate it (and sometimes I think there is).

Women behaving with sexual freedom long enjoyed by men is no problem for me, although I believe that a lot of emotional, physical and sexual problems would be avoided if both genders showed some more respect to the act and its consequences, intended and unintended. It just drives me mad when women are condemned as sluts by the same people who deride religious beliefs. Which is not, by any means, all the people who are crass and misogynist, just a particularly loathsome subsection.

I shall try and withhold judgement on Reva Mann and look forward to reading her book.

I'm on a bit of a blogging roll recently; I was going to give it a rest until Illiask brought up something that has always unsettled and baffled me, and I thought my initial ideas about it would find a better resting place on (virtual) paper.

Greeks have always been brought up to be faintly suspicious of Jews. Now, this is a massive generalisation with all the provisos that entails; let's just put those aside for a minute to be re-examined later.

Politically, Greeks don't like Jews. Greece, at risk of losing crucial post-WWII, mid-Civil War* aid that was the only thing preventing many of its citizens starving to death, voted against the creation of the state of Israel. It stood pretty much alone, protesting the arbitrary creation of the state. Now, many Greeks then and now had enormous empathy for the Zionist cause - the need for a homeland is deeply ingrained in the descendants of those held under Ottoman rule for centuries - but the practical ramifications were a step too far. Also, with large expatriate communities in north Africa and the Middle East, there was a sympathy with Arabs and suspicion of the mighty US (if no tolerance of terrorism). My mother, for one, was born in Egypt; her brother was born there on the very day the state of Israel was created!

Although I believe that there is no going back now Israel exists, I rue the way in which it was created. The past is another country, however, and we need to press on to a peaceful future with Israel - there is no future for the region without it. I also can't wait to visit the country; I've been fascinated with it for years.

Greece has a shaky history with its tiny population of Jews. Mark Mazower's phenomenal book, Salonica: City of Ghosts, can explain this much better than I, but in the northern part of Greece relations have been strained since the war. Jews drafted in by the Turks to provide a financial middle class above the Greeks - they were encouraged to come to Greece after being expelled from Iberia - were all but obliterated by the Nazis, with most Greeks doing little to protect them. Salonica had been Greek for only 25 years; the hurt was very much in living memory. Compare the loss of 95% of the Jewish community in Salonica to 50% in Athens, free since the initial declaration of independence in 1821, pretty much. Greeks there protected their community as best they could from the occupying forces. To this day, Jews campaign to have the land around the University of Salonica marked as the site of a former Jewish cemetery but the authorities, embarrassed by the episode where Greeks helped destroy the original grounds, still refuse.

Religiously - well, put it this way. A friend of my mother's has a son who was seeing a Jewish girl for some time. She described it to my mother as "Yes, she is one of those who crucified Christ".  It's a joke, but a painful one.

I think, however, that the problems aren't either of these things really. Going back to those exceptions we put aside, I suspect most modern Greeks barely even know that period of history - I didn't, and I know there are gaping chasms in my knowledge - and would be horrified by it if they did. The political issues are long past the arguing point and into the practical stage. I think the ultimate problem is one of suspicion.

Jews are naturally suspicious of anyone who takes too much of an interest. They've been tortured, killed, discriminated against, targetted and hated for so long, that the rule - spoken and silent - is to stick to one's own. Greeks also do this, but they are slightly offended by anyone who doesn't want to actively "fit in". I see this in my parents, first generation immigrants, who complain when other religious groups don't try to do more to "integrate". It's true my parents both speak and write exemplary English, but as white, Christian Europeans language was pretty much their only integration challenge. It sounds simplistic, but I think Greek discomfort with Jews comes down to not liking the feeling of it being "them" and "us". Judaism is so culturally ingrained as to be treated, thought of, referred to as a race, rather than a religion.

I used to work in a largely Jewish office - guess where I met JB! - and one woman there said to me "if you converted, some people would accept you as a Jew but if Ashley did - well, he'd still always be a Jew". It summed up an awful lot. The same woman told me she felt like her daughter ought to marry a Jew because there were so few left that she felt duty bound to create more. Now, her daughter could marry a gentile and still have Jewish children; the religion is matrilineal, unusually, with some claiming that is because you can deny being a father but not being a mother. The underlying assumption there, though, was even if I converted I wouldn't quite be Jewish. She wasn't criticising us - she's fond of me - she was just speaking her mind. I've got news for her, though - there are as many Greeks in Greece as there are Jews in the world (the rest, the joke goes, are in Melbourne).

The debate on what a Jew is rages in the wake of court cases such as that against JFS, and just the other day JB's mother said she thought the Orthodox conversion process was "too much" - and she's officially Conservative, not Reform or Liberal. I suppose it's somewhat irrelevant to me now I've decided to stay Greek Orthodox, but it's interesting to see that my future children would never have been accepted fully by many Jews anyway. I can understand why and I'm not criticising them for going back to basics, but I suspect it's beliefs and attitudes like this which lead to Greeks - always the quickest to jump to the defensive - to be uneasy with Jews.

By bringing up our future children as both, leaving them to choose which - if any - religion they want to align themselves with as adults, we might not be producing more Jews and more Greek Orthodox people. Hopefully what we will be producing is part of a generation of people who seek the similarities, not the differences.

*No-one I know seems to realise Greece HAD a Civil War - despite Captain Corelli - and that it was particularly bloody and vicious. Perhaps if they did they'd come to understand something about Elia Kazan and 50s Hollywood.

Today's disclosure in the London Metro that state-funded Jewish girls' school Hasmonean has been charging parents a £50 "deposit" for extracurricular activities - an admission fee by any other name - makes the third bid of bad press I've heard about Jewish faith schools this week.

Hasmonean isn't alone among faith schools of any type or denomination in this practice, incidentally, and faith schools are a law unto themselves when it comes to funding anyway. The other two stories troubled me more.

Back in November, I discovered as I poked around the Londonist this week, JFS, JB's alma mater, got into trouble for giving preference to children of born Jews over children of converts. The fact that I would be unlikely to go through the Orthodox Jewish conversion process was another layer of complication that put me off - I would be pleasing and convincing no-one except the most liberal and they wouldn't mind too much if I stayed just what I was. JB himself is in practice very reform, up to and including breaking most of the food laws, and one of his closest school friends, a girl I adore, is the now atheist child of a convert. So this principle is relatively new, evidently, or they just didn't bother checking before. What made the whole matter even more stupid was the fact that one child in question was the offspring of a member of staff - the Head of English no less! Converts are good enough to imbue a sense of Judaism and impart truths about the faith but their children are not good enough Jews? JB was baffled at the post himself, saying he'd never heard the term "ethnic Jew" before.

JFS was found to have broken anti-discrimination laws and forced to change its official stance, but it isn't going to change the underlying message sent out to converts. Surely someone who has gone through the process of becoming  part of your faith and then wants to send their children to a faith school is just as valuable as a child who just happens to be born of Jewish parents who aren't particularly religious but feel faintly guilty that they're not really imparting a sense of Judaism at home? I'm not for a minute suggesting the average "ethnic Jew" is of the latter persuasion, incidentally, some are and many aren't, but that's my point exactly. The only selection criteria should be the genuine desire for a Jewish education. Beyond that, maybe a lottery is in order.

The Londonist also provided me with the last issue, a rather different one. Girls at Yesodey Hatorah put their principles where their pens were and refused to answer questions about Shakespeare in an exam on the grounds that he was anti-Semitic. Rabbi Abraham Pinter was proud of their principles and their stand, and so he should be. But by refusing to engage with Shakespeare these girls are missing a phenomenal opportunity. Instead of encouraging 11 to 14 year olds to spoil their grades, why not study the history of anti-Semitism in this country? Why not spin this off into projects that could help fight it? Why not compare the portrayal of Jews in Shakespeare to that of his contemporaries? If they're going to refuse to answer on Shakespeare then half the canon of English Literature is out too, most Russians, and a few other nationalities besides. Do not ignore the ugly parts of history as it refers to you; we continue, after all, to study the Holocaust for a reason. History must not repeat itself because those who suffered from it refuse to acknowledge it.

Faith schools can provide a phenomenal atmosphere and education. I worked in a Roman Catholic school, despite being Greek Orthodox, and thought it was the best school I set foot in throughout teacher training. I think JFS did well with JB; after all, he did go to Israel for a year after school, so they must have done something right. But those schools must look hard at the times they find themselves in and decide whether it is more important to be Jewish and enthusiastic or tick certain boxes and make a perhaps ill-conceived political stand.

I'm a full time professional blogger. At least, I will be until the end of the month when I shift from technology journalism to web editorial for a charity. I've always, always wanted to work for a charity, and luckily I'll still get to blog some of the time. Everyone at Vox has already succumbed to the sometimes narcissistic, always cathartic nature of the weblog beast, and it's even better to be paid to do it.

Still, the reason for this blog is very different than previous ones. My Livejournal is just for me and my real life, actual, old friends. CultureFootle is to give me practice writing reviews, something I love beyond reason. This is the first time I've come close to unpeeling a layer off myself and exposing the results publicly. Why, after my experiences with YouTube commenters, I still want to do this, I'm not entirely sure.

Why bells? Because I actually started this to talk about wedding bells - mine. JB is planning a proposal but we have already agreed to be married. We've had the oddest route here, through friendship, inappropriate friendship and finally love, but the first months of our relationship were punctuated with arguments and stressful family revelations...

I'll never forget my mother telling me I simply wouldn't be the same person if I converted to Judaism. I had thought I might have to - ultimately it became clear that I was far too much of a GGG to actually give it the proper, sober consideration it needed. I read, I asked questions, I considered, I even keep a (mostly) kosher household to make life easier for JB's friends and family, but in the end the pull of my upbringing was far too strong. It wasn't just the octopus and the magiritsa, or even the intoxicating incense of the church. There was a quite serious point at the heart of it, all about the truths that I feel are right for me in Christianity. But then came the task of convincing JB's parents (who, thankfully, love me) that, if anything, I have pushed him to be a better Jew, not suggesting for a single second that he swing to my "side".

So now I have the complete opposite problem to what I thought I'd started with. Instead of having to painfully deal with family resenting our union, the enthusiasm with which it has been treated has freaked me out! I have names and numbers for liberal rabbis who will conduct blessings for those "marrying out" (how I hate that phrase, but it's a rant for another post), I have suggestions for simcha venues - I even, possibly, have a wedding dress. JB's mum is a beader and has a sample for me to try on if I want to.

We're not formally engaged yet. The date has not been set. I am complaining about something that is so preferable to the alternative but it is frightening. This time two years ago I was convinced that no-one in the world would ever, ever love me. Now I know better but it still feels like I'm writing this about someone else!

In due course this blog will, I'm sure, be filled with questions and pleas for suggestions - for the moment it's an outlet, a record of a dual faith marriage to be, a new way to think about myself.

As for bad titles, well, alliteration is the last refuge of the desperate.

This Monday was the beginning of Lent for those of us of the Greek Orthodox persuasion. A food-fest like no other, we fall over ourselves to think of elaborate and tasty ways in which to fast and deny ourselves a few luxuries.

Of course, like most modern Greeks  - especially most modern Greeks living in England - I only fast on Kathara Deftera "Clean Monday", our equivalent of Ash Wednesday, and during Holy Week, anyway. Naturally, I also make a big deal about it, as if being vegan for a mere six days is the most stressful thing to ever happen to me.

The fast, if you're not familiar with it, goes like this: no animal products at all, with the exception of certain types of sea food or creatures with ink instead of blood (cod roe, octopus, squid and prawns among them). Basically no blood and no luxuries are the order of the day. With all our nistisima (Lenten) foods, from gemista (rice-stuffed peppers and tomatoes) to hortopitta (veg pie made with seasonal greens), we enter it with gusto, completely forgetting the injunctions to leave each meal a little hungry and remember that we are fasting to remind ourselves of how much we have.

Last year was particularly tricky. My Jewish boyfriend, henceforth JB, and his lovely mother had me over for Pesach. The thing is, Greek Easter is always, always, always at the same time as Pesach, so there is an overlap. There she is, with three huge dishes of chicken, beef and lots of eggs in salt water, and there's me with my salmon, pretending that fish and eggs are okay because she's already gone to the trouble of making me vegetable soup when everyone else had chicken and I can't bear to put her to more stress four months into our relationship.

What was worse: "cheating" at a voluntary fast that I have already restricted to just a handful of days out of my Western idleness and lack of willpower, or making a kind woman who was welcoming me into her home and family run around me more than she already had?

I probably answered my own question there.

Still, this year, success! Pesach comes in at the weekend, pre-empting Holy Week and allowing me to indulge guilt-free.

Shit; I'm sure I can find something to be guilty about.