6 posts tagged “jobs”

If there's one personality trait guaranteed to fuck me right off, it's people being unnecessarily childish.

By this I don't mean childlike or playful. I'm quite happy for my friends and family to scuttle around like hyperactive terriers and enjoy reading children's books or watching kiddie films. Personally, I love Disney World, for example.

But when it comes to any sort of relationship, professional or personal, close or distant, once you let the element of the playground in, it's all over. I just realised while I was having a followee cull on Twitter that someone I worked with before this job removed me and took me off their Facebook etc, etc. None of which would really have any significance for me (because we don't work together now, or even precisely in the same field, and we're not really friends) if I hadn't bumped into her at a mutual acquaintance's shindig the other week and had her be blatantly rude to my face.

Having met Ash on several occasions before, she was always very nice about him. On this occasion she ignored him completely and grunted a pained "hello" at me because I unsuspectingly went "Oh hi! How are you?" (I know, wasn't that terrible of me? I'm such a bitch.)

The fact is she started being an arsehole to me around three months before I left the job and I probably complained about this to someone who told her. I hold my hand up - I should have just asked her what the hell was wrong and fixed it if I'd done something to upset or offend her. But then she seemed to stop freaking out and even sent me a message or two after that so I just filed her in the "polite acquaintaince" box.

I actually respect her for trimming the fat - we've all done it with friends who are basically no longer friends and it's easier still if you were never really friends in the first place. But simple manners wouldn't hurt. She can be as rude as she likes to me but why drag Ash into it? He was just being friendly (he does have some terrier-like traits, it's true).

You know, I started this post thinking I could muster some righteous indignation at the person concerned but really it's about all childish people, from those who throw their toys out of the pram in website comments to those who let PMT dictate not only whom they want to speak to but whom they do actually speak to.

Sad to say, 90% of my experiences of this kind - and they are thankfully few in the grand scheme of things - have been with other women. So much for the sisterhood...

This week is a really bad time to lose focus, lack momentum and generally run to a grinding halt. So of course I'm doing all three. My manager's manager (the überboss, or UB, as I shall henceforth term him, although he's considerably nicer than this moniker would suggest) is off on holiday for two and half weeks. My manager has had more work trickled down to her, which should mean I'm busier than ever.

Now it doesn't help that it's a slow news day. But there's plenty I could be doing. And, for the most part, I'm doing it (I generally write my blogs on here at lunch over a sandwich. I type fast). I'm just doing it at about half the speed and with about half the intuition and intelligence I normally employ. I'm not suggesting that I'm usually Wonderwoman, just that I can generally add two and two without reaching for the calculator. Not today.

I've slept plenty. I haven't been drinking. Ash and I are good. My friends are happy. I haven't gone out too much this week (just enough). I've got two nights with family lined up, and they're mostly healthy and content. A Pug puppy licked my fingers last night. All should be good.

Yet I'm moving at the speed of snail, my eyes are shutting, I'm bloated, weepy and exploding with PMT. I changed Pill to deal with this and though things have improved they haven't gone back to the days when I just didn't have this beast take over my body once a month, craving sugar and behaving sluggishly. I honestly used to think PMT didn't really exist and women were being overly narky about a bit of water retention... how wrong I was. I know that my PCOS is partly to blame for the blood sugar imbalance, and that I should do some exercise, eat slow-release carbs and try and keep my insides as balanced as possible but there's this demon in my head raging at me, screaming: "CHOCOLATE... NOW PICKLES!... NOW ORANGES... CHOCOLATE AGAIN!....AAAAAND PICKLES!". Seriously, I just can't wait til it's time to get pregnant...

I must, must, must not cop out of going to the gym this evening, even if I take three steps on the treadmill and fall off. I need all the endorphins I can get and to shake off a couple of spoonfuls of the sticky toffee pudding and custard I indulged in last night, following the steak and chips. No guilt - just balance. (Yeah, right).

I love being a woman, but I wish it didn't feel like there were four women having a bitchfight in my head at the moment.

Work friendships, that is.

I have a strange history of work friendships. At my first major job, I ended up with several close friends, mostly male, one of whom I shared a flat with for a year and another of whom I'm going to marry in four months. So I'd say that went well.

At the next job, however, it all went a bit... squidgy. Quite a lot of people were younger than me, and sometimes that made me feel very old and out of touch. It was an almost all-female environment, which for some reason I struggle with. Some were also single, and I think they might have felt I was a bit 'smug married' because to the outsider there's a fine line between smug and brutally bloody grateful.

Does age matter? Generally, no. My friends tend to range from about 23-40, but I don't have entry requirements beyond thinking you're nice and trusting you - you can be any damn age you please as long as you're interesting and friendly. Make up an age, if you like.

So why did I feel old? I guess it was the amount of bitching that went on behind people's backs. I am sure that if I didn't get bitched about it was only because I was too boring. Everyone else was furiously Skyping back and forth and the worst part was that I found myself caught up in it and taking part. And I started to hate that, and myself. And they probably didn't much enjoy it either. It wasn't really any formative part of the reason I left which was a purely professional development direction (I realised I didn't really want to continue specifically down the path I was on but meander a fraction to the left of it) but I certainly don't miss it. Instead I can indulge in missing some of the people, and not the versions of ourselves we tried so hard to project through gossip.

Today the girl sitting next to me went out for lunch with the girls who sit opposite. They chatted about it loudly but didn't ask me or my manager if we'd like to come along. A year ago I would have been hurt and wondered what I'd done; today I was relieved.

I've made every effort to be friendly and welcoming and have chats with anyone around, but I've also made zero effort to actually be friends with anyone.  I don't see them outside work and I've yet to make it to a pub drinks, although I would go with a bit more warning. Whether they didn't ask me because I'm technically one step up the food chain from one of them or whether it's because they just don't know / like / want to know me - I'm kind of surprised that I'm not sweating it. I feel like I should be. But if the inter-office politics, mild though they were, of the last job taught me anything it's that friends are friends and colleagues are colleagues.

I'm not saying never the twain shall meet, because that's silly. It obviously happens (hey Ashley!). But I just won't go looking for friends at work anymore. Because when you need someone you trust to bitch to about stuff that's going down at the office, they shouldn't be from the same office.

It's probably no coincidence that of the people I met at the last job that I'm still actually friends with (I'm in touch with a few, either for work reasons or as friendly acquaintances, but little more), one has known me for five years, one has left and one is just one of the sweetest people in the known universe and has never, ever said a bad thing about anyone else in my presence.

I wish I could be more like her.

By 'self-entitlement' I mean that over-inflated sense of their rights that some people get. You know - the ones who complain about free services that someone's given up their time to provide because "if you're going to offer that you should do it right." Even though they're not paying for it, nor did they realise it was necessary to them until it was offered.

I've come across a lot of that recently. It drives me mad, probably in a weirdly jealous way. What I call chutzpah others would probably call (justified) entitlement. I'm the kind of idiot who feels embarrassed claiming stuff for free. Even if it had a sign on it saying: "this is for Alex and she should take it because if she doesn't THE WORLD WILL END."

I still don't think that's the entire reason for my irritation, though. It's a bit like when kids (or adults, for that matter) don't thank you for a gift properly. And by properly, I mean a phone call OR a short note OR the words "thank you". That's it. I actually get kind of embarrassed when people are overly thankful but it bothers me beyond belief when even basic manners aren't observed. As a child I had it drummed into me that it was a shame on me, my family and all Greek people everywhere if I didn't give Thia Wossname a kiss on each cheek and thank her properly. If Thio Pootle was in another country I had to ring him up and do the embarrassing speaking-to-relatives-on-the-phone thing. Complete with red-faced gurning and probably gramatically incorrect Greek.

I've had to deal with a few small issues recently which have resulted in people getting very melodramatic about them. In the scheme of their lives these are teeny, tiny, infinitesimal problems which I am genuinely doing my best to fix. But they require time and patience (and charity resources) and really, I could do without the indignant nagging over something they wouldn't have otherwise and they're not paying for.

These same people complain about manners and attitude (not mine, I hasten to add. I am the model of good customer service, honest) in others. But surely their overinflated egos are trampling all over their own manners.

I'm far from perfect. I had a right royal - and childish - hissy fit at Ashley earlier over his being late without telling me he was going to be (it was a miscommunication, actually, and at least 50% each one's fault). I apologised profusely, and realised in doing so that actually I was still responding to the desolate, soul-crushing panic I had experienced when my ex stood me up after I had travelled across England to see him. I don't care about my ex, and I totally trust Ashley not to stand me up without a very good reason. But it seems learned behaviours are a complete bastard to shift, and can sneak up on you and ride your arse when you least expect it (nice vision, isn't it?).

I guess when it comes down to it, I just think basic human rights are a luxury for some people, so we shouldn't make such a big deal about the luxuries we do get and just show a little patience and humanity to others. I'm teaching myself this as much as asking it of anyone else, of course.

My Latin teacher used to recite: "Patience is a virtue / possess it if you can / Seldom found in woman; / never in a man". Blatant anti-male sexism and excuses for crappiness aside - I'm definitely not one of those women.

Over and out.

I really hate the idea of the formal appraisal. It's not helpful for me and I can't see how it's particularly helpful for my employer. It's just a way for HR to get their rocks off with more paper.

A proper employer will foster an atmosphere where they know what's going on with you and you can talk to them at any time about training, problems etc. Actually, my employer does do that. They're a really good bunch from the organisational point of view, and my manager is a very approachable woman who will suggest stuff to me all the time and encourage my ideas and input.

Appraisals make me feel like they've been storing up all this negative stuff to say to me that they felt they couldn't thus far. I have good feed back from the Marketing Director and CEO. My manager tells me straight if she's not happy with something and really, that's rare. She appears by all accounts pleased with me. Same goes for my colleague sitting next to me... so why has her appraisal just taken an HOUR?

What can anyone possibly have to say for that long?

My interview to GET the job didn't take that long.

Oh shit.

1. Author

Isn't every blogger a writer already? I don't have the discipline at the moment to sit my arse down and write properly but I hope to manage it one day. I have a few faint ideas that need research, development, tea and Hob Nobs, so who knows?

My problem is partly that I'm so determined to be Neil Gaiman / John Irving / Donna Tartt and not be Dan Brown that I fail to even bother to reach Brownian heights because I have such lack of confidence in my abilities.

2. Children's Book Reader

You know those lovely bookshops that have a children's reading corner? I LOVE that. I was a pretty crap teacher but I used to get rounds of applause (started by kids who didn't like reading) when we had story time. I don't think I'm a brilliant narrator or anything, just so full of enthusiasm for any kind of book that I expect it shows. I don't shirk from silly faces and voices, either.

3. Disney Voiceover Artist

If only I could sing, dagnabbit.

4. Cat Cuddler

Actually, I'm trying to get in touch with the local Cats Protection to volunteer as this. You socialise nervous cats so that they can be rehomed. I so very badly want a cat but we have a no-pets rental and no garden. Arse.

Update:

5. Reviewer

Actually, I sort of am one from time to time, both on www.remotegoat.co.uk and on another blog of mine that I have let slide depressingly by the wayside in recent months, but it would be nice to have time to do it professionally. Theatre, film and books for me, rather than music (I love it, just not obsessive enough about it!). I could use the RG cards and contacts to do far more of it but I've been too busy and protective of my spare time of late to be very ambitious about it. It's on my Arse In Gear List.